since last i posted. been very busy. feel the need to get my thoughts out, things have been building up.
the girl i went out on a date with, who i was convinced might be different and maybe worth actually spending time with, left my house a couple days ago. she came to live with us for a week.
she is an extra in a film adaptation of Anna Karenina by Tolstoy, (which is being directed by Joe Wright, stars Keira Knightley and is out in cinemas next year, for anyone interested) and she had to be in shepperton studios to film her scenes every day for a week. i live in south west london, which is closer to shepperton than where she lives, so she came to stay for a week. my housemates and my friends have all heard stories about the supposed girl that could get me to settle down, and they all seemed to like her.
Her living with us put me off.
she doesnt drink, at all. she would get back from a day filming and we would all be sitting around getting drunk, shed make a cup of herbal tea and then go lie in my bed. every night. i started off being chivalrous and sleeping on the sofa but i got progressively colder each night and ended up just sleeping next to her, after her requests for me to do so.
when she left after a week, she bought me a bottle of whiskey, some chocolates, and two thank-you cards. Two! who fucking buys two cards to say thank you to someone?
these gifts, her constant want for physical contact with me, and the fact that she requested i sleep next to her in bed, i took as signs that she likes me. i would try to kiss her and shed turn into it and give me a cheek, every time. i slept in the same bed as her for four nights, and did not even get a kiss on the lips.
now i thought about this, and at first i was quite confused. ive known this girl for months and months, why is she acting like this? why is she almost completely void of sex drive?
then it hit me. maybe its not her, maybe its me. ive been in school, then straight to college, and now straight into university. the girls i meet through these networks, are all young and free and sexual. this particular girl is a bit older, and has almost no involvement with university life. maybe its not her, maybe all the girls ive met are just still young.
i thought this, then quickly found myself in a paradox. i want a mature girl, someone i can talk to about books and films and music, and this girl fits the criteria. however, im male, and i have needs. it quickly dawned on me that i have to pick between intelligence and amazing sex (or any form of sex, in this case.)
now im quite close with my mom. i love her dearly. she, along with alcohol and cigarettes, is the constant in my life. she is aware of my plight, my quest for the perfect woman. i think she is even proud of me for it, although why i do not know. i rang home the other night and we talked about it for some time, both of us quite inebriated. whenever one of us (usually her) brings up the topic of me finding a girlfriend, she provides me with the following theory. i will paraphrase and leave out her drunken nonsense.
whenever she speaks to one of her friends, who was in a relationship throughout university, they always say they regret it. the relationship never leads anywhere (further cementing my own theory of this fact) and they feel like they missed out on a lot of other opportunities to sow their seed, as it were.
my mom fully supports me remaining single throughout university, and also fully supports my secondary career choice to become a male escort (i was joking when i suggested this to her, but she seemed serious)
now whether or not her theory is true, or she is just saying it to me, i dont know. but i can see where she is coming from. a few of my housemates have girlfriends, and they just seem like such a hassle. i fail to see good points with any of them. they are wonderful people, and we all get along famously, but as girlfriends ive always been skeptical.
my one particular housemate, whom i shall refer to as W, i am very good friends with. he met his girlfriend several months after i met him, when we had got to know each other quite well. they had their honeymoon period, of course, but now when she rings him or texts him, or even while she sits next to him in our living room, i see this look in his eyes. its not hatred, or sadness, but more of a sense of hopelessness. he wants to break it off with her, but she loves him too much. we all know it would break her heart.
the look in W's eyes, reminds me of the look i used to get during the last months with my previous girlfriend (about four years ago), its a look of desparity, almost.
when it comes to their relationship, i feel only pity for both of them. its like they are trapped in this limbo of monotony, waiting for some sort of catalyst to either plunge them deeper into their relationship or split them apart from each other. i regularly use them as a prime example of why i dont want a relationship.
after observing such situations as this (there are others), and the wise words from my semi-drunken mother, i made a decision to remain a single man throughout university. im currently in my second year, and almost every day i meet a new girl. i cant keep up with myself sometimes, i forget about girls for weeks on end, only to stumble across them in my contact list and remember that im trying to sleep with them. especially last year, when i was living in halls of residence, i garnered a reputation for such behaviour, but ive noticed it seems to make girls more attracted to me. this is one of the many stupid things that girls do. if someone is renowned for sleeping around, surely girls would avoid him? but apparantly not, i have had sex with girls many times based on my reputation alone.
i would ponder this mid-sex, and find it quite funny.
i have a 'date' tonight. its not a true date, i dont think, because its with a girl that works in our local pub, where we go every thursday for a pub quiz. she was behind the bar, and i left last week with her number (and third place in the quiz out of sixteen teams) meaning to see her again. shes quite gorgeous.
tonight, is a week after ive met her, and she suggested we go for a drink in the same place where she works. i find this quite odd, but the pub serves good beer and its close to my house, so i cant complain.
i will update on how that particular meeting goes.
MEANWHILE
i find myself swamped in coursework, more ideas for the novel i'm writing building up in my head, and the need for food and alcohol tormenting me. i would go and get some breakfast right now, but i have nothing to eat and there is a strange man sleeping on the sofa downstairs. i shall chainsmoke for hours until he has left/woken up, then go and sate my hunger. until then, i shall play mindless computer games to take my mind off all the girls i need to sleep with.
it's a hard life.
