So last night I dreamt that my brother died. It was horrible, we are very close.
Then I woke up at about 3 in the morning.
Then I fell back asleep and had another, separate dream, about this girl.
It was only me and her throughout the dream, usually this is quite rare; my dreams mostly contain a bizarre collection of people I have met over the years. But last night, it was just me and her, sitting on a bench in the youth hostel in Scotland where I am currently staying. I was wearing a cowboy hat. She looked beautiful, as usual. She told me I was her boyfriend. We kissed and then I woke up, and I remember having a huge smile on my face.
Looks like I want to be in a relationship, then.

Haven't updated in a while, I've been so busy.

I am currently on a university field project in Ullapool, in the north-west of Scotland. In the middle of nowhere, far away from all my friends, from my home, and I am stuck here for a month at least.
Far away from females.

Far away from this particular girl.
Now I am fully aware of the content of my posts since I began this blog, however long ago it was.

(Why is Google Chrome giving the word 'blog' a red underline as I type it? Surely that would be in its dictionary by now..)

And I am fully aware that I have been looking, maybe consciously, maybe not, for a relationship. Despite my views towards them. I think I have been looking in the wrong places, looking at the wrong girls.
Maybe I still am, I am completely unsure.
I'm no good at relationships, I don't think. I thought I was really good at the last relationship I had, but looking back on it I really wasn't. I cheated on her with her best friend since they were both like 5 years old. And she came up to me outside a pub two years after we had broken up and told me how shitty I was as a boyfriend.
Which doesn't exactly fill me with confidence, but I know that was all in the past, I honestly think I have it in myself now to make a good partner, I think I can be loyal and caring if it's brought out in me.
I need someone to direct my affections towards.
The particular girl, the subject of my last two or three posts, is a spectacular young woman.
Today I went to a market on the coast and there was a little book shop, and I bought her a book called The First Lady Chatterley. When D.H. Lawrence wrote Lady Chatterley's Lover he produced three versions, the third one was the most tame and the only one published to the public. This book, sitting next to me now, is the first version, the most raw version, that came straight from his pen to his paper, with no amendments, that was somehow published in 1944 with a unique foreword by his wife.

I hope she likes it.