Moved into my new house a couple of weeks ago. Haven't done anywhere near as much work as I'd hoped.
By work, I mean laundry. I've got fuck all to do until my course starts at the end of september, but I still feel like I'm wasting time.
It is becoming increasingly obvious to me that I want/need a girlfriend. Most probably want. I'm directly opposed to all monogamous relationships, and all partnerships of any kind to be honest, but I find myself wanting a constant presence, someone I know will always be close by. Someone I can have sex with.
I know it's not just the sex, there's definetly a higher element to it, but I've spent the last couple years boycotting emotions and now I find myself desperate to feel them for someone. Believe me, unknown reader, it's the most irritating thing in the world.
We are all hypocrites, we are all shallow and selfish, and it makes us even more so inclined when we refuse to accept it.
I am fully aware of the fact that I want something I've actively hated for years. I dont know what to think about this.
But what I do know is that it's what I want right now and fuck what anyone thinks, no matter how long theyve known me to be how I am. There are a few girls I have in mind, but with them I get the feeling the fantasy is better than the reality.
What am i talking about, of course it is. It is with everyone.
And to make a relationship work you need to compromise and realise this fact, and get to know the real person underneath.
Which is one of the reasons i despise relationships. I dont want to get to know people. People are idiots.
People are fucking stupid and I want them to stay away from me.
And the minute i find someone who also knows this, I will be set for life.
But I never will, because people are too stupid.
And the cycle continues.

I'm going to bed.