just got back from the pub. been sitting there with a large number of my closest friends for a while, and all i wanted to do was get home. this is horrible, i can't even be around my best friends at the moment. i don't know whats wrong with me but i know full well it has something to do with being rejected by the only girl who has showed any interest in me, not just my penis but my mind. i know they are all thinking how different i am and i know its true but theres nothing i can do about it, that girl was my ticket out of this fucking hell that i live in. she was my golden ticket on the double N train.
and now she doesnt want to see me anymore i'm stuck, stuck in a rut of having sex with girls i hate, if i even have the time off from being too busy hating myself.
ive got back from the pub and decided i'd masturbate, and ive never felt more pathetic in my entire life

Haven't been posting because I've been so busy moving house and sorting out my finances and everything.
I've been seeing the girl for a few months now. She's perfect.

I just met her in town and we sat down to talk and she told me she doesn't want to see me anymore. I held it together perfectly with her. As soon as I left her I started crying. I sat in the middle of town on a bench and cried and had a few cigarettes. She was the only thing that made me happy and now I can't have her anymore. I am alone and sometimes if I think too much about it, I really want to kill myself.