So tonight I'm taking a girl out for a drink. She's lovely. She's the best friend of my best friend's girlfriend. We have known each other for a while but usually at gatherings/parties where I am drunk and obnoxious, and subsequently I'm pretty sure she doesn't think too highly of me, although I am informed otherwise by mutual friends.

It would appear that people have started noticing that I'm upset a lot of the time recently, I have been given several different and contradicting pieces of advice about what to do with myself.
Last night we were in the pub, about twenty of us, including the girl I'm seeing tonight. I ended up having a one-to-one with a close friend of ours, who always seems to impart me with knowledge.
She said I should do the things I'm scared to do.
Now I'm definitely scared to embrace any sort of relationship. I feel like I need it, and I reckon I'd be good at it. But it's been years since I had any sort of long-lasting connection with a woman.

And there's a girl back home. She means a lot to me. But I go home maybe twice, three times a year. I don't get to see her much. Part of me wants to hold back and see where it goes with her, but it would be so difficult trying to make it work considering I live in a different part of the country.
She's amazing but I feel like I should just let it go and focus more on where I am right now.
Which would mean seeing this girl.


I'm going to see how tonight goes, try and make up my mind whether or not I want to abandon my entire life philosophy for the past four years and start dating girls again.